After much hard work and perspiration (not really)........ it's done.
As I originally thought, this code will take forever to explain and I don't think many of you will want to read it anyway. It works and that's all you need to know, right? :) If you have any questions about how this works, just shoot me an email and I'll be happy to answer it. Also, if you have any changes that make it not-as-ugly on Windows... I may look at those too. You can download the project.